Category Archives: Philosophy

It’s been pointed out to me that it is helpful to keep in mind your first relationship when reading this. Practically everyone has one…a relationship that dragged on and on. That probably shouldn’t have begun in the first place. That you stayed with because you wanted a relationship, any relationship. This is what I’m ranting about people! I’m not attacking you. This is about hindsight, not foresight. I believe that things may end this way, but for the moment, we’re all stuck at the beginning.

So here it is. Now goeth and argue

An Entertaining Rant on Dating in High School or

be afraid my readers….be very very afraid

I realize that it’s usually my style to write about life through my own personal experiences. However, my relationship experiences are best described as not only as a sad disgrace but as a downright epic fail. I honestly don’t feel like moving the poor reader of this rant to want to crawl up in a small hole, cry, and curse the various people involved. While my experience is unbalanced at best, I believe that I am capable of giving a (somewhat) entertaining, (somewhat) unbiased, and (somewhat) accurate description of dating in High School.

continued…

Thoughts and Speculation On Love at First Sight

Contradiction?
Rendition?
Meaningless transition?
I think not pretty girl

Love at first sight
is redefinition
of ancient souls drawn toward mutual light
is hopeless meta-fission
of being carefully held in the night

Love is the heart
hidden in abstract art

I don’t like it but that’s what edits are for.

Night

To find the answers I only need to interpret the night.
Mysterious, dark, and foreshadowing,
it raises more questions than answers,
and to find questions I only need to look at her darkness.

In the personal hell in which we create ourselves,
in love, hope, and longing,
there lies consolation and hope.

Can this be an omen to the future?

I’m uneasy right now. I believe that’s the best word to describe how I feel. Right now everything is in check, except my own soul. Usually my mind and my heart can take care of themselves. After all if I am not free in my thoughts and in my love, of what interest or value is my life? I know I’m going to get hurt, and I know it’s going to happen sooner rather than later. In fact it’s already started, I can feel it. I don’t mind though. It’s a beautiful pain, as they say. Maybe I feel bittersweet then? It’s probably a question better left unanswered. However the answer is yes. Life is bittersweet. The yin and the yang define me and make me whole.

A quick note about my habits on writing or revising concerning poetry. When I write a new poem I’ve entered another state of mind. It’s always significant when I do,  even if the chapters of my life aren’t all that well defined to an outsider. Right now I feel like I’ve written both a ton and hardly anything at all. So that should explain a lot…

Her

Sometimes you ask me what I’m thinking about,
Usually I can tell you,
unless the answer is you.

I wonder if I could make you smile,
by playing All The Small Things for you on guitar
or by walking you to English again because no one else would.
Or maybe I could stare at the stars until they ran out of reasons
why I love you.

Whenever you wait for my answer
Whenever I shrug off the question,
know the answer is you.

To: Leaving this blank for obvious reasons…
From: FanFan <fanfan1313@gmail.com>
Date: June 2nd <1:40pm>
Subject: Sigh
Mailed by: gmail.com

Where am you? The deep dark evil place. You’ve been there. We’ve all been there. You describe it as lost or buried or numb. But what is it really? longing? love? jealousy? It’s the place that you feel when you can’t find your way. Everyone has a date but you, everyone has someone they want but you. Everyone else is found, and you have to wonder, where is the person that will discover you? But have faith friend, there is someone looking for you. They haven’t met you but they nevertheless know you. you are the missing puzzle piece of their soul. Complete the puzzle, good friend, and search.

“I don’t care what they think of me.”

You are the sum of your actions. Forget this not, for it is true. When you die and head toward whatever God you so deem worthy to believe in, it is your actions that are judged, and if you so believe there is no greater power, your actions are all that will be remembered. You’re not what you make yourself, you are – in the big picture – what people see you as. You can try as hard as you want to make people laugh, if nobody does, you’re no comedian. Take heart the words thrown or given, they have meaning, no matter how cruel or sarcastic, they are there.
You are the sum of your actions, yet your actions are a canvas for other to paint their view on. Then, in the end, number one ‘aint nothin’ but the opinion of the man.

“I like it, this beautiful pain.”

The Yin Yang. In all evil there is good, and in all good there is evil. Opposites exist to create one another, without good there is no evil, without pain there cannot be pleasure. All is equal, all is balanced in the end. If you’ve ever been truly heartbroken, you know the one. You can’t move, you can’t think. You sit and wait for something to make that hole in your chest stop falling, making itself even deeper, darker, harder to bear.
That, my friends, is one of the most amazing feelings you can come across, in order to feel such immense and terrible pain, you have to have been truly happy. Be thankful for that pain, it’s a validation of your joy. Yes, the joy has passed to cause the pain, but in order for the pain to persist there is more of the good headed you way.
Chin up my friends, you’re all hurting, I can’t say I know how you feel, I do know that one day you’ll get that karmatic kick you all need, you’ll be so happy you’ll forget I wrote this, you’ll forget this hurt ever existed.

I’m still here, I’m still waiting. I’ll push on and see through to tomorrow, all to keep that smile on your faces. I’ve had my pleasure and my pain, I’ve seen both edges of my universe, or as far as they’ve expanded. My actions, meant to help heal and uplift you, are here for you to judge.

So lower you heads and weep into the night, and remember the immortal words of the great Leopold “Butters” Stotch, “I’d rather be a crybaby pussy than some stupid faggy goth kid.”

I’ll be here come tomorrow, so please, sit and watch the sun rise with me, and forget what plagued you last night.

-Hawk of www.xenith.net

As much as I absolutely hate it when people quote stuff and put that crap in their blogs because they’re too stupid and lazy to have an original thought, this seems truly noteworthy enough to make an exception. I like this. It’s true and original. The world needs some truth and originality.

Well I’ve been reading over some old posts of mine and I’ve discovered one thing that I started a discussion that over 4500 people have looked at. Don’t know why I put that here but I rather think it’s hilarious that I raised a point in 8th grade that around 4500 people thought was interesting enough to read. I guess it does raise an important point about the internet. You are completly judged by what you write. It doesn’t matter if your black, white, or a girl or a guy no one knows. Funny how the internet, perhaps one of the least personal inventions ever conceived is where prejudice dies.

Sigh. School. The official day care center of the state. More on this tomorrow.

So, what am I thinking about on this beautiful Friday night? Reality and perception though complete opposites mean the same when directly applied to a single person. So I guess I’ll be talking about my reality tonight; what I believe in. So my reality is this. I have this problem about people and closeness. There is not one person who knows all of my secrets or hears all my thoughts because I need space to protect the core of my soul from the scrutiny of the outside world. That’s what keeps me arrogant, as well as at peace and strong; that part of my being. As far as I know that part has remanded completely uncorrupted ever since I’ve been aware of it’s existence and importance until recently, when just a little shielding was tossed away to allow another to see some of my true light. And now that I’m exposed, that part of my soul is again a worry. It’s listening to something outside itself. And that truly bothers me because that is everything I am. And instead of having someone to enlighten it, there has been an eclipse. It’s grown darker, I’ve grown colder. Who I am, the person I loved so much is no more. Most of the time that’s good; that is the changing of myself, it shows I’ve lived and learned. But not this time. I’m angry at myself and angry at others now. I don’t have peace. Yet, after all this, I’m asking myself if I should I risk this again? The logical answer is no of course. But I’m already risking again. I’m trying again.

Other people have done wrong. Screw it, nobody is going to put all their energy into being an awesome person, myself included. So I guess the best way to deal with it is to take the same liberties as others and be the hell happy with what your faced with. I’m not saying to make the best of it. That’s BS that people tell themselves when they don’t want to try for better. If your with a hell of a bad person, leave. But maybe when faced with having some space you didn’t count on put it into finding some peace with yourself. Very zen, I know, but chances are if you’re still reading this then you have trusted someone enough to let them come closer than anything else and you’ve been hurt by it. Any you’ve closed up again. Now your going to have to figure out whether it is still worth it, and sometimes, just sometimes you need to look at yourself and say:

People are often unreasonable, self-centred: Forgive them anyway. If you are Honest, People may cheat you, but be Honest anyway. What you spend years to build, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway. The good you do today, People will often forget tomorrow. Do Good anyway. You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; it never was between you and them anyway.

Sometimes people are doing more than you think, and sometimes you’re doing less. So learn and live. And make sure to keep around the people that have never made you think of this. There lies equilibrium. And peace, and maybe even a little happiness.

So yin or yang? This is a hard question because this question doesn’t have an answer, at least not in reality. But in perception, what could be more important? It’s everything. It’s the basis of your life and your philosophy. Those people that hurt you, there was a reason you let them close, it lies in the question. Remember that. Happiness is there too.

** Indented paragraph from an extremly helpful email sent by http://thoughtfortoday.org.uk/

I think everyone comes to the point in high school where they either give up or fight till the end.

I guess that is a tad overdramatic, but nevertheless, it seems true. I don’t mean become a drug-addict or a honor-role student; I’m thinking more along the lines of personal philosophy. Generally there are two obvious, black-and-white examples of what I’m trying to explain. A person either accepts the world for what it is and moves on, or fights to make it better. Some people, actually most people, never realize that they have indeed made a decision on this matter. Most people accept the world. Yes, people rant on about their petty politics, and send money to their charities, but generally there isn’t much concern on the matter. People need to question and then, and only then do.

Why is the world like this? It’s really quite obvious. Humans run from pain, always have and always will. To truly believe that the world is inherently screwed up is not a pleasant experience. We would all rather believe that it’s truly being improved, and we’re getting better. We are in some ways. However in the understanding of oneself we are constantly moving backword. People give up because they just want to find peace with themselves. In the end though, peace can only be found by knowing oneself. If you can describe your life as get up, go to school, do homework, and sleep then you’ve given up. You’ve sacrificed your brilliant intellect to fit in our screwed up society. You’ve got to fight for something if you want to stand for anything.