So, what am I thinking about on this beautiful Friday night? Reality and perception though complete opposites mean the same when directly applied to a single person. So I guess I’ll be talking about my reality tonight; what I believe in. So my reality is this. I have this problem about people and closeness. There is not one person who knows all of my secrets or hears all my thoughts because I need space to protect the core of my soul from the scrutiny of the outside world. That’s what keeps me arrogant, as well as at peace and strong; that part of my being. As far as I know that part has remanded completely uncorrupted ever since I’ve been aware of it’s existence and importance until recently, when just a little shielding was tossed away to allow another to see some of my true light. And now that I’m exposed, that part of my soul is again a worry. It’s listening to something outside itself. And that truly bothers me because that is everything I am. And instead of having someone to enlighten it, there has been an eclipse. It’s grown darker, I’ve grown colder. Who I am, the person I loved so much is no more. Most of the time that’s good; that is the changing of myself, it shows I’ve lived and learned. But not this time. I’m angry at myself and angry at others now. I don’t have peace. Yet, after all this, I’m asking myself if I should I risk this again? The logical answer is no of course. But I’m already risking again. I’m trying again.
Other people have done wrong. Screw it, nobody is going to put all their energy into being an awesome person, myself included. So I guess the best way to deal with it is to take the same liberties as others and be the hell happy with what your faced with. I’m not saying to make the best of it. That’s BS that people tell themselves when they don’t want to try for better. If your with a hell of a bad person, leave. But maybe when faced with having some space you didn’t count on put it into finding some peace with yourself. Very zen, I know, but chances are if you’re still reading this then you have trusted someone enough to let them come closer than anything else and you’ve been hurt by it. Any you’ve closed up again. Now your going to have to figure out whether it is still worth it, and sometimes, just sometimes you need to look at yourself and say:
People are often unreasonable, self-centred: Forgive them anyway. If you are Honest, People may cheat you, but be Honest anyway. What you spend years to build, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway. The good you do today, People will often forget tomorrow. Do Good anyway. You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; it never was between you and them anyway.
Sometimes people are doing more than you think, and sometimes you’re doing less. So learn and live. And make sure to keep around the people that have never made you think of this. There lies equilibrium. And peace, and maybe even a little happiness.
So yin or yang? This is a hard question because this question doesn’t have an answer, at least not in reality. But in perception, what could be more important? It’s everything. It’s the basis of your life and your philosophy. Those people that hurt you, there was a reason you let them close, it lies in the question. Remember that. Happiness is there too.
** Indented paragraph from an extremly helpful email sent by http://thoughtfortoday.org.uk/
